Making Friends as a Highly Sensitive Person
Does making new friends feel overwhelming? Do you ever feel alone despite being surrounded by others? Have you ever wished that you could have a deeper connection with someone instantly?
Maybe you feel overstimulated in a busy environment. Or maybe the reason you feel completely alone and drained is because of small talk.
If you crave that deeper connection with others, you might be highly sensitive.
Highly sensitive people (HSPs) are introspective, can become overstimulated if their surroundings are too busy, and feel drained by small talk. In other words, parties are your worst nightmare.
Because of this, making new friends as a highly sensitive person can be exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and unappealing. You might use a lot of energy just trying to feel comfortable around new people.
If this sounds like you, try these techniques to make friends when you’re a highly sensitive person:
Be selective with the people in your inner circle. HSPs are sensitive to their environments and the emotions of the people around them. Because of this, you might find someone’s energy particularly draining. Be selective with the people who you allow into your life:
● Choose those who encourage you rather than undermine you.
● Remind yourself that deep friendships come from quality over quantity.
● Reach out to others who make you feel understood and happy.
2. Change the questions you ask. Ask open-ended questions that help you dig beyond the surface! Taking the lead in the conversation and asking questions shows others that you are curious to hear more.
● “Can you tell me more about that?”
● “What has been the best part of your week?”
● “What are you most proud of?
● “What do you like to do when you’re not working?”
3. Be self-compassionate. We’ve all been there: the moment where we make a mistake or say the wrong thing and end up in a vicious spiral of negative self-talk. Instead of berating yourself for making a mistake, practice self-compassion! Remember:
● People you meet are humans who make mistakes as well.
● You are trying your best to connect.
● You have the strength to recover after any mistake!
4. Lead with vulnerability. Much of the time, we wait for someone else to be vulnerable. But we can lead with vulnerability, too! When you’re building a new connection with someone, share how you feel or what’s on your mind. Take initiative to take the conversation to a deeper level.
● Being vulnerable can help others relate to your human emotions and experiences.
● Leading with vulnerability could encourage the other person to open up and be vulnerable with you as well.
5. Enjoy the process. Think of connecting with people as practicing your social skills. The reality is, you won’t be able to connect with everyone you meet on a deeper level. All people are different. There will be some people you meet who put up a wall or even drain your energy with negativity.
● Instead of reaching for that deep connection with every person, enjoy the experience of getting to know someone new.
Taking the effort to make deeper friendships with others can help you feel more connected and fulfilled. As a highly sensitive person, you might catch yourself overthinking how you handle situations. Overthinking keeps us trapped in our heads instead of the present. When we’re trapped in our heads, we create a self-fulfilling prophecy of distancing ourselves from potential friendships. Being connected and understood are basic human needs. People want to feel connected! Practice taking the lead in a conversation and being curious about others. If a relationship drains you instead of giving you energy, consider directing your time somewhere else.
Be patient- every relationship takes time to build. Remember: quality over quantity.
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