The Introverts Guide To Dating

Have you ever felt misunderstood or overwhelmed by conventional dating advice? Are you tired of hearing about how “dating is just a numbers game”? Does it feel like you have to be someone or something that you’re not in order to find a partner?

Most of the conventional relationship advice out there doesn’t take introversion into account. You’ve probably heard it, felt it and seen it – the world seems to praise extroversion but what about those folks who identify more as an introvert?

Just to make sure we are on the same page. A very general statement about Introverts is that they tend to be people who focus inward and also more in touch and in-tune with their thoughts and feelings. They “re-charge” or get energy from spending some time alone versus extroverts who get “re-charged” by being with folks. In other words, Introverts are best known for needing alone time to recharge their energy. Sometimes, people mistake that fact to mean introverts are shy - but that is not always the case. Other times, people suggest that introverts need A LOT of alone time but this isn’t always true. 

Everyone is different. Imagine that. 🙈

Introverts do, however, tend to prefer smaller groups of 1-3 people rather than feeling alone yet surrounded by a large group of people.

If you identify more as an introvert, you are probably looking for a relationship that hits on a deeper level. Seeking that deeper connection might make dating in an era of hookup culture difficult - but that doesn’t mean dating is impossible. 

And, as an introvert, you might also dread the idea of going on a date, feeling lost (or overwhelmed) by obligatory small talk.

But you can date with your own set of rules, too, and this guide will help you create them. 

How to create your own rules and date as an introvert:

1. Know how self-aware you need your partner to be. Because introverts spend so much time thinking inward, they tend to be quite self-aware and reflective. What level of self-awareness are you looking for in a partner? Some people aren’t as self-reflective. Are you willing to support someone who’s willing to learn?

2. Let the person you’re dating in, too. Do you have a harder time letting people in? Sometimes introverts give off the impression that they are not interested. People may find it difficult to get to know you. Ensure that you are sharing and opening up about yourself, too! Vulnerability in healthy doses is sexy.

● Be proud of your interest in Lord of the Rings or puppies. 

● Share your hobbies and interests, too!

● When your date answers a question, try to relate with them by sharing something similar about yourself too.

3. Give yourself recharge time. Be cautious about running your batteries out of energy. Give yourself time to recharge, so you show up to your dates energized and non-resentful. Stated plainly, don’t go on multiple dates in a week. This may seem obvious but we all know how easy it is to fill up your calendar. Know yourself and honor your capacity.

4. Choose dates that aren’t too hectic. Choose a comfortable setting for a date. If conversation over dinner is not your idea of fun, then plan an experience or activity you can do together. Try to choose something that won’t overwhelm or overstimulate you.

5. Go at your own pace. Try not to fall into pressure to move faster or turn dating into a numbers game. Do what works for you and what makes you comfortable! Go to places you enjoy and find ways to skip the small talk if that’s what you prefer. There isn’t a “right” or “wrong” way to date. It is about honoring your experiences and being honest with where you are and what you’re needing/looking for. 

6. Treat each date as practice. Sometimes we might automatically think something is high stakes, and then feel devastated if it doesn’t work out. Instead, take on the mindset that every date is practice. Ask open ended questions and commit to learning something from each date. 

7. If you are dating an extravert, emphasize that they may not understand at first. Your extravert date might move at a different pace or want to go out all the time. They might not understand your need to recharge alone. Commit to gently explaining your perspective and being transparent with how you are feeling and what you need. Clear is kind. 

Dating as an introvert might just feel different overall. You might feel overwhelmed or that there is something wrong with you. But as an introvert, you have so many superpowers! The people you date will be so lucky to be around your empathetic, understanding, and vulnerable energy. If you’re looking to better understand yourself, your patterns of connecting in relationships I’d love to schedule you for a free first session. Let us know how we can best support you in 2022!

p.s. Did you know that we have online courses for your mental health? We love providing educational tools that will help you and your relationship come into a better understanding of who you are and how to effectively communicate. Check it out! More courses are always being added…

Cheering You On,