How to Heal from Family Trauma: Leaving the Pain Behind | Therapy in St. Petersburg, FL
Many families have trauma when the unfortunate events of divorce, broken promises, and relationship issues happen. Abandonment issues are also common, and childhood trauma can affect many other family members as they grow into adulthood, including parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and others close to the family. Everyone feels the trauma in some way.
How To Leave The Pain of Childhood Trauma Behind
Find Self Awareness
Once the trauma has happened, or you want to break out of the cycle, it is important to identify what you want. Maybe you’re thinking “I want to move past the trauma and let go of this pain.” “I’m tired of letting the past weigh me down all the time and being controlled by what other people did.” You are not alone.
Recognizing emotional wounds is a crucial step in the healing process. Congratulate yourself on recognizing the hold that the past trauma is having on your life and your willingness to work on it. Self awareness is very important in any healing journey. Once you are ready to make some serious changes and work on the trauma so that it’s less of a burden on your mind and spirit, you can ask for help.
Understanding Family Trauma
Family trauma is a deeply distressing or emotionally painful experience that affects one or more members within a family unit. These traumatic events can stem from various sources, such as abuse, neglect, loss, or other harmful circumstances. The impact of family trauma can be profound, influencing family relationships, mental health, and overall well-being. Understanding the nature of family trauma is the first step towards healing and recovery.
What is Family Trauma?
Family trauma refers to any distressing event or series of events that cause significant emotional pain and disrupt the harmony within a family. This type of trauma can manifest in numerous ways, affecting the mental health and emotional stability of family members. Whether it’s a single traumatic event or a series of adverse experiences, the repercussions can be long-lasting, often leading to strained family relationships and ongoing mental health issues.
Common Causes of Family Trauma
Family trauma can arise from a variety of situations, each leaving its own mark on the individuals involved. Some common causes include:
Abuse: Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse can deeply scar family members, instilling feelings of fear, anxiety, and mistrust that can persist for years.
Neglect: Emotional, physical, or financial neglect can lead to feelings of abandonment and low self-esteem, impacting one’s ability to form healthy relationships.
Loss: The death, divorce, or separation of a loved one can be a profoundly traumatic experience, leaving family members grappling with grief and loss.
Domestic Violence: Witnessing or experiencing domestic violence can create a pervasive sense of fear and hypervigilance, affecting one’s ability to feel safe and secure.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Experiences such as physical or emotional abuse, neglect, or exposure to domestic violence during childhood can have lasting effects on mental health and well-being.
Recognizing these causes is crucial in understanding the roots of family trauma and taking steps towards healing.
The Impact of Family Trauma
The effects of family trauma can be far-reaching, particularly for children who are often the most vulnerable. Understanding the symptoms and seeking professional help can make a significant difference in the healing process.
Symptoms of Family Trauma in Children
Children who experience family trauma may exhibit a range of emotional, behavioral, and physical symptoms. These can include:
Emotional Distress: Anxiety, depression, and mood swings are common emotional responses to trauma.
Regressive Behaviors: Children may revert to earlier developmental stages, displaying behaviors such as bedwetting, thumb-sucking, or baby talk.
Physical Symptoms: Trauma can manifest physically, with children experiencing headaches, stomachaches, or changes in appetite.
Academic Challenges: Concentration, attendance, and academic performance may suffer as a result of trauma.
Behavioral Problems: Aggression, defiance, and withdrawal are common behavioral issues that can arise from traumatic experiences.
It’s essential to recognize these symptoms and understand that family trauma can have a lasting impact on family members, particularly children. Seeking help from a mental health professional can provide the support and guidance needed to heal and recover from these traumatic experiences.
Ask for Help
You can reach out to get support from friends or trusted family members who aren’t the cause of the trauma. You can also work on this process on your own. Another option is to find a therapist or join a therapy group where you would find connection with others who have experienced similar trauma.
You may be thinking, “I’m really tired of letting the trauma affect me. I think it’s behind some of the issues I have, like anxiety and insomnia. I also feel unsafe. I worry all the time. I am scared to try new things or start relationships. I don’t know if I can trust anyone anymore.”
It is normal to have these types of symptoms after experiencing trauma. If you haven’t healed, then the symptoms can continue to appear for years. The symptoms can include (but not limited to) anxiety, depression, insomnia, flashbacks, trouble eating, trouble sleeping, irritability, fear, impatience, and hyperawareness. Symptoms like flashbacks and hyperawareness can be indicative of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Since you’ve already mastered awareness, identify patterns of the symptoms you experience and find your “triggers” or the situations (people, places, things) that cause you to feel uncomfortable. It is beneficial to have a support network of friends, family, or a therapist to help guide you.
Empowerment & Validation in Mental Health
Feeling empowered and validated are important steps in healing from trauma. Take control and realize that you are the only one who can heal you from the trauma. Others may help you along the way, but the biggest changes tend to be internal, like reframing thoughts and changing behavior. Developing effective coping mechanisms is crucial to manage and heal from trauma, as they provide essential tools and strategies for recovery.
In many cases, family members may want to ignore the past and refuse to speak about traumatic issues like divorce or abandonment because confrontation can be uncomfortable. This means you may need to get validation from friends, a therapist, or others. Connect with others and fight loneliness. Remember that therapy group we mentioned earlier? That would be a beneficial tool in healing from the trauma you may have experienced.
Trauma can often leave you feeling isolated. Try to resist this feeling and reach out for help. Connect with new and old friends. You may need to go beyond your usual network to grow. This is where “going out of your comfort zone” comes in.
Stop Victimizing Yourself
After trauma occurs, it’s easy to fall into the trap of feeling like you are a victim. You have been hurt and need to heal, but you don’t want to suffer forever and have people pity you. Instead, take control and stay responsible for your actions and thoughts. Continue sharing your story with trusted people and resist the temptation to hide your past.
One of the best ways to heal is to acknowledge what has happened and learn from it. By talking about your past and discussing the trauma, you can learn to share, be vulnerable, and ultimately trust people again.
Family therapy can provide a supportive environment for sharing and processing traumatic experiences, helping to improve family dynamics and support individuals affected by mental health issues within the family unit.
Forgiveness and Trust
You may be having thoughts like, “Everyone keeps telling me I can't heal without forgiveness.” “I have to forgive my family for the trauma.” “Despite forgiveness, I still don't trust them.”
Forgiveness isn't an easy task. Trust is tied to forgiveness, but it's also a separate matter.
It's hard to forgive family members involved in trauma because it may feel as if you're letting them get away with things. Another big issue is that you may feel that forgiveness opens you up to new trauma from the same people. There's a common fear that by forgiving the past, you'll allow the same people to hurt you again. However, this is only a fear and doesn't have to be your reality. You are in control and can set boundaries to prevent more traumas from happening.
Trust is a huge issue for those who have experienced trauma. Many of the concerns are rooted in fear. You may be afraid to trust anyone again because they can hurt you. It may be scary for you to open up and start new relationships.
Trust takes time, so it is important to give yourself that time and space. Gradually allow new people into your life and build that trust over time. Start by taking small steps like having more serious conversations with people you are close to.
One of the best ways to establish trust is to have clear boundaries and guidelines. Only you can decide what you allow into your life as an adult. You're no longer a vulnerable child who is stuck being controlled by family or others. You get to decide who enters and stays in your life today.
You also get to assert those boundaries. If someone steps over the line, you can cut them off.
Shame and Guilt
Shame is a common feeling after trauma. Victims often blame themselves for what happened and feel alone. Shame can make you feel as if you’re flawed. It can make you feel vulnerable and exposed to the world. You may be scared to share your past because you feel ashamed, or broken to some extent. Shame can make you want to hide from the world. It grows with the fear that others will judge what you went through and think you’re less of a person. It can make you afraid to talk about your trauma.
Generational trauma can perpetuate feelings of shame and guilt across multiple generations, as unresolved trauma can pass down negative patterns and emotions.
However, you can’t stop shame by hiding from it. A therapist can work with you on your feelings of shame, so it doesn’t stop you from enjoying your life. However, you have to take the first step and talk about it. It takes a ton of vulnerability but you have to choose to step into that space.
One thing that can help is recognizing that the negative self-talk in your head is actually shame. Shame dies in the light of resilience. Practice being vulnerable and opening up to share your story with your therapist or other trusted people in your life.
Establish a Routine with Coping Mechanisms
Start small. Establishing a routine may be an overwhelming thought at first but you don't have to (and should not) make big changes overnight. Think about things that you enjoy doing (like drinking a morning coffee, reading, and socializing) in addition to the things you have to do (like working, house chores, and personal hygiene) to put together a consistent daily or weekly routine that works for you every day.
There are several things you can do throughout the day and every day to help you feel better, such as:
Find a hobby or activity that lets you focus on other things. It should be an activity that also allows for some fun. For example, painting and cooking are great options.
Consider writing in a journal or use another form of creative expression. Many survivors of trauma find that keeping a journal helps them gather their thoughts and work through issues.
Stay in the moment and try to enjoy the present. It's easy to let your mind drift and relive the past trauma. Instead, practice mindfulness and living in the current moment. You don't want to miss out on the present by always thinking about the past.
Find relaxing activities such as yoga, meditation, bubble baths, or exercise. You want to heal both your body and your mind, so relaxing activities are essential. Experiment with different techniques until you find your favorite.
Amanda Lee
Amanda is passionate about working with men and women who struggle with family trauma and childhood trauma. Schedule a free consult today!
It is not easy to overcome trauma. By thinking about the tips and concepts in this article, allow yourself to build awareness around your trauma and ask for help from a local St. Petersburg, Fl Counselor. Find empowerment and seek understanding and validation of your story. Stop victimizing yourself and set up boundaries. Work to forgive yourself and others involved in the traumatic experiences and rebuild trust. Relieve your feelings of shame and guilt by challenging your negative thoughts and reframing. Lastly, establish a consistent routine filled with activities that keep you grounded and focused on healing.
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When you’re ready, one of our therapists would love to hear more of your story and help you begin to unpack the trauma that is weighing you down — schedule your free consult with a St. Petersburg, FL Counselor!