Three Conflict Resolution Strategies You Need To Know

Conflict happens when two opposing parties have different views, interests, or goals, which seem incompatible with one another. Conflict usually occurs at the height of a stressful situation when everything seems to bubble over.

It is easy to blame the other person or the circumstances.  It seems like the problem and solution lie within the other person making a change.   I’d like to challenge you to consider another point of view next time you are faced with a conflict.  

From my experience coaching clients and also being coached, there are some fundamentals that seem to ring true no matter the situation.  In this case I ask that for at least while you read this, you accept the idea that change happens first on the inside, then on the outside.

What do I mean by this exactly?

Everything happens first in your mind.  One way you can bring more awareness and clarity to what is happening inside yourself is to dial into your inner VAK (Visual, Auditory, and Kinesthetic) cues.  “That’s not what I pictured in my head” or “I was going to do it, but then a voice in my head said, no” or “I just had a good feeling about that decision” are all examples of evidence of this.  Once you are aware that this is happening all of the time, you are open to a new world of possibilities.

Now when you look at this conflict with more awareness of your inner VAK, you can explore it from other perspectives.  You can examine it from the perspective of the other person.  You can examine it from a neutral perspective, as if you were an observer and not clouded by your personal beliefs and emotions about the situation.  You get new insights about the situation, you learn something new about yourself, you get clarity as to what you really want and why you want it.  From this new place, you can get to the actions of resolving the conflict.

To realize the best effect from conflict resolution strategies, everyone should first agree to observe a few ground rules:

• Avoid Universal Statements. Every, all, never and always are big no-no's in conflict resolution. Can you honestly say something always happens? No! So don't say it.
  

• No Personal Attacks. Try using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. Make sure you let the person know how you feel. For instance, "When you throw your clothes on the floor, it makes me feel like I'm the maid cleaning up after you."

• Listen. When one person speaks, the other person should listen with an open heart. Rather than plan your rebuttal while the other person is talking, be sure to actually listen to what they're saying and understand their feelings.
  

• Get a Moderator if Needed. If you're still having issues, ask a friend or someone close to both of you to come over and moderate so they can keep you on track. Nothing hinders conflict resolution more than repeatedly getting sidetracked with petty details.

With the ground rules in place, let's consider conflict resolution strategies:

1. Role-playing. Create a mock setting, such as a flower shop or a restaurant. The first person is the one taking the order and listening while the customer explains the situation. The person taking the order must listen and then repeat back the order to make sure they understand. 

After the two parties have gone through the entire exercise, the roles are reversed. There are no comebacks to the previous arguments stated; only another order is placed and taken.

2. Knee to knee. I wouldn't recommend this with a coworker in an office setting since it's a bit of a personal space issue, but sitting knee to knee is a great strategy for conflict resolution.

Scoot two chairs close together, have a seat and start talking about the issue. Knee to knee forces you to pay attention to each other, which is one of the biggest rules in resolution. Remember, the most recent events may or may not be the actual issue, so dig a little deeper.

3. Cool down. Sometimes just stepping out of the situation allows both people to cool down. One of the biggest problems with conflicts is many times, the person feels like they are being attacked, instead of focusing on the problem or situation.

• By taking time to cool down, both parties can come back together and attack the situation instead of each other. 

• Designate an appropriate length of time to cool down. Don't just walk away for an undetermined amount of time. Set a timer for 20 minutes, go do something else, then come back and start resolving the issue at hand. Remember to listen and get a moderator if needed.

These three techniques are great strategies for conflict resolution. If one technique doesn't work, simply try something else. Once you've worked through a few issues, you'll begin to develop your likes and dislikes for certain strategies and find out which ones suit your style. If you’d like to explore this further, you can schedule a free discovery session with me. You owe it to yourself (and your people) to be fantastic at working through conflict!

Cheering You On,