5 Signs Your Relationship Could Benefit From Couples Counseling
There are many reasons couples enter counseling. Sometimes couples aren’t sure whether they would benefit from counseling. Below are some general indications that couples counseling may be of help to you and your partner.
You are arguing instead of communicating
Even a healthy relationship will occasionally devolve into an argument, but if you find yourselves frequently arguing rather than calmly communicating, your relationship may benefit from learning effective ways to communicate with your partner. Learned behaviors, heightened emotions, and reactivity can all contribute to unhealthy and ineffective patterns of communication, leading to arguments and increased feelings of frustration and dissatisfaction. Name calling, cursing, blaming, and screaming are all indications of unhealthy and ineffective communication that only serve to undermine the stability of your relationship.
You don’t feel heard or understood by your partner
Sometimes couples communicate calmly and with mutual respect but still end up “missing” one another. Assumptions, fears, and self-worth can have an impact on how we communicate with others. Are you afraid to assert yourself? Are you worried about upsetting your partner? Couples counseling can help you understand roadblocks to feeling heard and learn ways to increase mutual understanding.
You and your partner are engaging infrequently and seem to be living separate lives
The early years of your relationship may have been about togetherness and tenderness but now you find yourselves spending little time together. Perhaps there is animosity and resentment driving a wedge between you. Or maybe kids, jobs, and “life” simply got in the way and you fell into the “new normal” of just existing together. Either way, you long to get back to that space where you are enjoying one another and really connecting as a couple. Couples counseling can help you identify how to do that.
One or both of you are keeping secrets
There really isn’t any reason either of you should be keeping secrets in a marriage. Marriage is a partnership...a team. The team needs to be on the same page in order to be successful. Secrets undermine trust--the backbone of any healthy relationship. When trust is undermined, it erodes intimacy, leading to cracks in other areas of the relationship. Couples counseling can help you identify what is driving the need for secrecy and learn ways to navigate your relationship without feeling the need to keep secrets from your partner.
Major life changes are causing stress on your relationship
Let’s be real here. Life can be stressful. If 2020 has shown us anything, it has shown us how negatively impactful major stressors can be on our individual mental health and relationship health. Kids, work stress, family conflict, job loss, financial worries, and even positive stressors (yes, that’s a thing) such as buying a house or getting married can put additional stress on a relationship. But 2020 has also shown us that we are remarkably resilient. We can identify new ways to manage difficult situations and engage in ways we had not yet realized.
Steps you can take to help your relationship
Now that you have identified problem areas in your relationship, there are steps you can take towards creating positive change.
Listen to your partner
This can be one of the most overlooked and yet simplest steps you can take towards improving your relationship. Listen without judgement and without planning for your next move in the verbal chess game. Listen with an open mind and a closed mouth. Allow your partner to freely speak in order to feel heard. This means no eye rolling, no heavy sighs, and no interrupting unless the house or kids are on fire.
2. Validate your partner
Validating your partner means acknowledging their feelings are real. It doesn’t mean you necessarily agree with them or understand them, but it lets the other person know that their feelings have merit and are important.
3. Be honest, but kind
Honesty is transparency and transparency fosters understanding and trust. This may feel like a terrifying step, particularly if you are stuck in a habit of withholding information out of fear of how your partner will react. Trust me...your partner will react more favorably if you are upfront and honest about feelings and behaviors than if they find out down the line about your feelings and behaviors and that you were dishonest about them.
4. Seek professional assistance from a therapist
A couples counselor can help you and your partner navigate conflict and communication in ways that allow for meaningful change and understanding. Relationships can feel like puzzles with pieces that don’t easily fit together. A couples therapist can help you make sense of those pieces so you can place them in their proper space without frustratingly jamming and cramming them to make them fit.
If you’re ready to take the next step, schedule a free session with me. Your relationship deserves all of you.
Be Well,
