10 Healthy Ways to Manage Your Anger in Your Relationship

Oct 11

Anger is a normal and natural human emotion that can occur during a relationship, often due to frustration and feelings of being overwhelmed.

Unfortunately, failure to control your anger can lead to ugly confrontations that can ruin a once-healthy relationship.

Follow these strategies for healthy anger management:

1. Calm down. Before you even attempt to talk to your partner, take a few moments away from the situation to clear your mind. It’s never a good idea to try and talk to someone while you are angry. It will only make the situation worse.

2. Count to 10 before you speak. A good way to calm down while angry is to count to 10 before speaking. This gives you a moment to figure out how you can respond wisely to the situation instead of reacting to it.

3. Listen. Give your partner time to explain their view of the situation. It’s possible that you’ve overreacted. The whole situation may not even be serious once it has been explained.

Try using active listening, where you repeat back what you heard to your partner. This will show that you understand what has been said and that you care about your partner’s feelings. It also gives your partner an opportunity to correct or clarify anything you may have misunderstood or misinterpreted, which is very often a source of conflict.

4. Take a time out. Before you say something that you may later regret, it may be worth it for both of you to step away from the situation. Set a time to revisit this topic later, when emotions aren’t running so wild. Be specific and concrete about when you will resume discussion so there are no concerns about the discussion being brushed under the rug. Be sure to follow through as agreed upon.

5. Avoid the silent treatment. When you’re having an argument with your significant other, it can be tempting to slam the door and give them the silent treatment. While this approach may calm you down temporarily, it will likely cause anxiety or maybe anger in your partner. The silent treatment is also known as stonewalling, which is detrimental to and undermines a healthy relationship. Find ways to self-soothe as you experience your emotions.

This doesn’t mean that you need to resolve the argument immediately but make your partner aware that you need a little time to calm down and think about the next step. Be respectful in communicating this to your partner.
If your partner has ever given you the silent treatment, you can understand how much anxiety it can cause.

6. Focus on the present. When you get angry, you may want to bring up issues from the past, but this isn’t the time to talk about the past. Focus on what has happened in the present to make you angry.

7. Avoid creating triangles in your relationship. When you’ve had an argument with your partner, it may feel good to talk, or rather complain, to your best friend. Wanting to vent is a natural reaction but talking to your friend rather than your partner will not resolve the issues and may create additional stressors in your relationships.

Instead, make a valiant effort to talk through your issues with your partner as this will stop them from feeling isolated and defensive.

8. Forgive your partner. Often, anger comes from the frustration of knowing that past arguments have gone unresolved. It is important after an argument that you both forgive each other, so that you can move on emotionally.

9. Connect physically. Hug your partner after an argument, as this physical connection helps to resolve feelings of resentment.

10. Look past the issue. We all have certain topics that cause anger and conflict. Rather than reacting angrily to a different opinion, try to let it go. Change the subject and, instead, talk about things that don’t automatically trigger your anger. Some issues aren’t resolvable but healthy couples have a way of finding humor in their partner’s differences and attaining a level of acceptance of these differences.

There are things that are going to frustrate you when you’re in a relationship but make an effort to follow these tips and you may discover that your whole relationship experience is changing for the better. If you find yourself or your partner needing more guidance with anger or other aspects of your relationship, feel free to reach out for a free first session.

Supporting you,