The Emotional Toll of Loving Someone Who Keeps Relapsing
Ever feel like you're stuck on a rollercoaster you never agreed to ride?
It's tiring loving someone who keeps relapsing. One month they're amazing. Then the next month...crash.
And you're left picking up the pieces. Again.
Here's the thing:
You are not alone. The National Institute on Drug Abuse tells us that 40 to 60 percent relapse during recovery. At any given time, millions of families are riding this rollercoaster with you.
The good news?
Learning how to love someone with mental illness can start with how you take care of your own mental health. You can care for yourself and love the person sitting in front of you. Plus, asking for help has never been easier.
Inside this guide:
Why Relapse Hurts So Much
The Hidden Emotional Toll On Loved Ones
How Virtual Mental Health Care Helps Families
5x Ways To Protect Your Own Wellbeing
Why Relapse Hurts So Much
Relapse doesn't just hurt the person using. It hits everyone around them.
Why? Cause every time you try to recover you allow yourself hope. You think this time will be different... You make plans. You begin to trust once more.
Then the relapse happens and that hope gets ripped away.
Addiction is a chronic disease. Researchers liken it to conditions such as hypertension and asthma, which have comparable rates of relapse. If you or someone you love had a different illness and it caused a setback during treatment, you wouldn't consider that treatment to have "failed." Most likely, treatment would need to be adjusted.
Knowing that helps. But it doesn't make the pain disappear.
This is why family support is so important. Virtual mental health care allows you to speak with a licensed therapist from your couch. Curious to learn how online therapy and addiction treatment can help both the addict and everyone who loves them?
Visit https://redribbonrecoveryindiana.com/levels-of-care/telehealth-mental-health-and-online-addiction-treatment/ to learn more.
The Hidden Emotional Toll On Loved Ones
Most people focus on the person with the addiction. Makes sense, right?
Families also struggle immensely and often silently. In fact, a KFF poll found 70% of adults impacted by addiction reported that it impacted their mental health.
That's a huge number.
Here's what that toll often looks like:
Anxiety: You check your phone obsessively throughout the day. Every missed call feels like the apocalypse.
Feeling guilty or blaming yourself: You may ask yourself if there was something you could have done differently to prevent the relapse.
Anger and resentment: You feel let down, lied to, or taken for granted.
Burnout: You've given so much energy that there's nothing left for you.
Those feelings are totally normal. But when they pile up they can lead to anxiety, depression, or sleep problems.
Pay attention to the warning signs within you. Yelling at those you care about. Losing passion for the things you love. Becoming emotionally detached.
You can't pour from an empty cup.
In that same poll, 76% reported addiction had caused tension in family relationships. Voices are raised in arguments. Bonds of trust begin to weaken. In some families, nobody talks at all.
And here's the kicker...
Lots of friends and family members never seek help for themselves. They focus all of their energy on the individual who is relapsing and neglect that THEY are also suffering.
How Virtual Mental Health Care Helps Families
This is where virtual mental health care really shines.
Online counselling allows you to speak to a qualified therapist via video conference, phone call or even a chat box. No travel time. No waiting room.
For families dealing with relapse, that matters a lot.
Why? Life doesn’t stand still during a crisis. Between work, children and supporting your loved one’s recovery, finding time to keep an in-person appointment can seem overwhelming.
Here's what virtual care makes easier:
Getting help fast: Many services can book you in within days, not weeks.
Remaining Consistent: The simpler it is to show up each week, the more likely you are to. When all you need is a quiet room and your cell phone, you can stay consistent.
Keeping it private: Nobody sees you walking into a therapist's office.
Attending family sessions: Family members from different cities can attend the same session.
Pretty helpful, right?
Some programs will even link up the family's counselor with the loved ones treatment team (with permission, of course.) That way no one is working from different pages-literally- and everyone knows what is going on and what is expected next. You also receive honest updates rather than sneaking around trying to find out what's going on.
A skilled therapist can teach you how to set limits, cope with guilt, and not take every relapse personally. Many online services also offer support groups specifically for families.
5x Ways To Protect Your Own Wellbeing
Going to therapy is wonderful. But you can also do little things every day.
Set Clear Boundaries
Boundaries aren't about punishing your loved one. They're about protecting yourself.
Set boundaries of what you will and will not tolerate. Maybe you don't want to give them money or allow them to crash at your place while they're using. Stick to your boundaries... even when you don't want to.
Separate The Person From The Disease
Relapse is part of your medical condition. It is not personal.
Once you remember that, forgiving becomes simple. You can love someone and hate what their addiction does to them at the same time.
Join A Support Group
Al- Anon and Nar- Anon bring you into contact with others who understand. Listening to their stories, you are reminded that there are other families like yours.
Even better? Many of these groups have gone virtual, so you can participate from the comfort of your own home.
Look After Your Body
Stress hits your body hard. So give it what it needs:
Aim for 7-9 hours of sleep each night
Move every day (even a short walk counts)
Eat regular, balanced meals
Easy to say. But it changes everything about how you cope with the bad days.
Make Time For Yourself
When was the last time you did something just for you?
Read a book. Call a friend. Go see a movie. Your life matters too. It doesn't have to be put on hold every time your loved one relapses.
Final Thoughts On Healing Together
Supporting a loved one through repeated relapses can be one of the most difficult things anyone can endure. The anxiety, guilt, and burnout that come with loving someone who keeps relapsing are real... and it can significantly impact your mental health.
But you don't have to carry it alone.
To quickly recap:
Relapse is common and doesn't mean recovery is over
Families feel the emotional toll just as deeply
Virtual mental health care puts support within easy reach
Boundaries, support groups, and self-care protect your wellbeing
Looking after yourself isn't selfish.
It's the only way you can keep showing up for the person you love.