Should I Take My Child To A Therapist?

Question: "My daughter (who's 18 years old) all of a sudden thinks she has mental health issues and wants to see a therapist. I don't believe her because she's never shown any symptoms. What should I do?"

Well, for starters, how do you know she isn't struggling with mental health issues? Do you know for a fact that she doesn't have any mental health issues? If we think about it in terms of physical health, there's a lot of times that people don't actually know that their heart is 80% clogged or that certain things are not firing the way that they should be. Folks don't typically have any warning signs or symptoms of having a brain aneurysm. That are a lot of things that happen in our bodies that we don't actually know or see the external symptoms such as a rash or pain. So, mental health in many ways can feel like an invisible illness, it can feel like an invisible wound. Just because someone isn't manifesting symptoms that you would deem problematic does not mean that the person does not struggle with their mental health.

Ultimately, someone cannot tell you how you feel, and if they do tell you how you are feeling --oh you're not feeling angry, etc -- that is likely an abuse of power. Now, someone can state how they are personally experiencing you such as, "it seems like you are experiencing some anger." To say, however, to someone who is angry -- no you're not angry, no you're not sad, no you're not (fill in the blank). This is actually impossible to state because that individual cannot get inside of another person's head. So, in light of all of this, how can you, mom, know for a fact that your daughter isn't struggling with her mental health right now?

When Should I Send My Child To Therapy?

There are a million different reasons as to when you should send your child to therapy. One of the reasons would be if they are not talking to you (the parent). Kids of any age omit pieces of stories or choose not to be honest about a myriad of things in their life. At times, this is a result of not feeling safe emotionally or physically. Maybe the child feels like their parents are manipulative, that mom or dad are just not going to understand since they have dismissed their concerns in the past as "not that big of a deal."

Perhaps you have noticed that your child's behavior has been erratic or explosive. Their feelings are always big and do not always seem to match the issue that occurred. Their grades might be dropping or you continue to get phone calls from the school about your child's behavior. Maybe you've tried everything from time-outs to punishment or withholding their favorite toys and yet nothing seems to work. Child therapy might be a good next step if you are noticing any of these behaviors in the home or at school.

Another great sign to look for is if your child has specifically asked to talk to a therapist. The specific question that was asked mentioned that the daughter directly asked the mother to go to counseling because she is recognizing something that is not quite right within herself. The daughter know's that something is off and she is asking for help, which is incredibly courageous and vulnerable.

You might not be able to see signs or symptoms or whatever you deem as problematic or typified of a mental health issue. People are going to see what they want to see ultimately and if you don't believe that mental health is valid or is a thing then you're probably not going to see any signs at all.

It does not matter if you believe your child is struggling with mental health issues or not, the fact is they are asking for help and for you to acknowledge their pain and to help them resolve it. That's all that we want, isn't it? To be seen and to have someone bear witness to our pain and hurt. For someone to acknowledge that we matter even if we don't feel safe or comfortable talking about it. If your child is asking to go to counseling, get them to a professional. Be their cheerleader and the parent that they have been needing all along.

What Should I Say To My Child If They Ask To Go To Counseling?

If your child is asking to see a professional do not barrage them with a million and one questions. Perhaps all that they can figure out is that something is wrong, something is off inside of them. Maybe they are not happy or are feeling extra sad. Maybe they feel really anxious or overwhelmed. It is not your child's responsibility or job to justify why they want to go to therapy. They just want to go, let them go. If they want to see a doctor, take them to the doctor. Mental health is just as important as physical health, they go hand in hand.

How Do I Find a Child Therapist?

Hopefully, we can stop isolating mental health from all other aspects of ourselves. Mental health is a component, a facet of who we are and our entire system is inter-connected. When your child asks to see a counselor, the first thing to say is YES. Then, ask a few trusted friends if they have any recommendations of a child therapist or teen counselor. You can also search online in your local city by typing in "child therapist in ____" or "counseling for children in _____." If you are needing to use your insurance then you can usually find a few child therapist's on your insurance panel. You get what you pay for and it is so personal so take your time. Give yourself 1-3 sessions before you decide to move on to another child therapist. A referral from a friend is always the best way to go.

If you are looking for a great child therapist or teen counselor, schedule your first free session with one of our counselors at Sunshine City Counseling. We specialize in helping angry and anxious kids who feel big feels to learn skills and tools on how to manage their emotions and feel confident in who they are because everyone deserves excellent mental health support.

Cheering you on,