What Will You Do When Your Child Regresses?
Do you feel like your kids are regressing since the pandemic started? Children often respond to stress by taking a step back developmentally. It’s no wonder such behavior becomes widespread when their daily routines are interrupted.
You’re probably having a similar experience, although the effects may be more subtle. Stress interferes with learning, memory, and decision making.
For children, this may mean trouble sleeping through the night or forgetting their toilet training. They may also be clingy and prone to tantrums.
These different reactions have one thing in common: Your children are asking for your reassurance and support. Punishment and pressure are likely to backfire, so try these gentle-yet-effective strategies instead.
Managing Regression in General:
1. Be kind
Empathize with the changes and losses your child is going through. Validate their experience. It is important for kids to express their feelings before they can cooperate and behave more maturely.
2. Create routines
Help your child to take back control. Give them choices for structuring their day. Use “this or that” language rather than open ended questions to reduce overwhelm. Maybe you can read extra bedtime stories or go for a walk each morning after breakfast.
3. Take breaks
Are you and your child becoming more frustrated lately? Avoid power struggles by building more downtime into your schedule. Even a two-minute break can allow a child to decompress and re-focus. Offer ideas for quiet activities and relaxation.
4. Move around
On the other hand, physical exercise relieves stress too. Think about it like this; your child is probably used to having P.E. and recess every day at school- but throughout quarantine, they may not have had that unstructured time to move around and play. Try playing badminton in your backyard. Practice yoga together in your living room or at your local park.
5. Enjoy nature
Simply spending time outdoors can make you feel happier. Make a point to go outside every day- try incorporating your child’s educational topics into being outside (there is so much to find with science, art, language, and even math!) Play games while you walk around the block. Eat meals on your patio. Do yard work together. Small children can pick up sticks and water plants using lightweight containers.
6. Provide a role model
Your mood affects your child. Staying calm and cheerful will help them to feel more resilient too.
7. Ask your pediatrician
Talk with your child’s doctor about any concerns you have. They can provide more suggestions and run tests to rule out medical issues if necessary.
What to do when your child regresses in specific situations:
1. Enforce bedtimes
Think twice before letting your child stay up late or spend the night in your bed. You may create habits that will be difficult to break. Instead, help them to feel more comfortable in their room. Check in on them more often and get a fun night light they love to make them more comfortable.
2. Buy pull-ups
You might need to take a few weeks off from toilet training. Be matter of fact about cleaning up any accidents and avoid using language that could embarrass your child. However, it is up to you and your support system (partner, spouse, extended family) to decide what is appropriate and manageable when it comes to toilet training (ie. how long you will take a break from training, continuing to use positive language around independence and using the bathroom by themselves, etc.)
3. Hang out
Is your child demanding more of your attention? It’s probably okay to accommodate their needs and stick closer to them temporarily. The sooner they feel more secure, the sooner they’ll want their independence again. Be careful not to “reward” negative behavior (caving in if they are having a tantrum) but rather teach them how to compromise and reward the positive behavior.
4. Eat together
Emotional eating can be tempting at any age. Dining as a family will help everyone to maintain a balanced diet and provide opportunities for daily conversation. Talk about nutrition and prepare healthy meals and snacks together.
5. Speak clearly
Baby talk can be another sign of regression. Let your child know that it's easier for you to communicate with them when they use grown up language. Praise them for cooperating.
6. Review lessons
Many experts are concerned that school closures will explode academic achievement gaps. Monitor your child closely to ensure that they’re studying and completing assignments. Talk with their teacher if you need additional resources. Ensure your child has a quiet, appropriate space to focus on school work.
Whether it’s triggered by a virus or a new baby brother, regressive behavior is likely to fade away over time. Meanwhile, you can help your child to cope by pulling together as a family and creating a strong sense of connection. As always, if I can be helpful don’t hesitate to reach out.
