Long Distance Relationships - Tips & Tricks

Have you ever wanted to begin a relationship with someone long-distance but have been discouraged by others not to? Or are you currently in a long-distance relationship and aren’t sure how to stay connected with miles of distance between you? 

The idea of starting a long-distance relationship can be a frightening experience, especially if you don’t know how long you’ll have to do the distance for. As someone who has spent half of their relationship long distance, I’ve found it takes a lot of trust, patience, communication, and honesty on both ends. Before jumping into and committing to a long-distance relationship, think about what it is you’re looking for, what your needs are, and if it’s something worth doing. Outside influence plays a role too, your friends or family may be telling you it’ll never work but you know yourself best and if it’s worth trying, then go for it! 

Here are some tips on how to maintain and enjoy your long distance relationship: Here are some tips on how to maintain and enjoy your long distance relationship:

1. Don’t feel obligated to talk 24/7: you both have your own lives and responsibilities to take care of. You do not have to talk all day every day to stay connected. Make time in your day to talk, whether it’s texting, over the phone, or video chatting, and make it count.

2. Transparency of expectations: what are you both expecting of each other in this relationship? What rules do you both want to set in order to maintain trust and make this work? This can be checking in with your partner if they are out with friends, dedicating time each week for each other, etc.

3. Honesty is the best policy: many feelings are going to come up for you ranging from extreme happiness to jealousy to anger, the list goes on. When something arises in you, check within yourself to see where it’s coming from and have a conversation with your partner about it. It’s common to feel sad, jealous, insecure, etc. in this kind of relationship. Sometimes reassurance, empathy, support, and a listening ear is what we need to reorient us back on track.

4. Make time to do things together: even though you may not be physically together, it’s easier to stay connected today than it ever has been! You can video chat, play a game together, use this application called Screenr to watch movies and tv shows simultaneously, set up virtual dates, the possibilities are endless, get creative!

5. Discuss what your goals are: sometimes you lose sight of why you’re doing the distance and can begin feeling confused or discouraged. Talking about what your future goals are can help alleviate some of those uncertainties you may have, and remind yourself of it. Be on the same page of what you are both looking for. Create a vision board or something memorable that you can have up to visually remind you of why you’re in this.

6. Create a weekly ritual of checking in with each other: something I wish I would’ve implemented more was this weekly check in! For someone who tends to bottle things up until one day it all explodes, this is a healthier alternative to airing out what’s going on with you. Check in at the end of the week to see how you feel in the relationship, what needs to be improved on, what’s been working for you, and what you are wanting to try out. This can keep you both current with how you’re both feeling. 

7. Enjoy the moments you do spend together: be as present as you possibly can be! Whether it's a day or a week together, spend that time refueling your relationship and your needs. Have fun, do something new together, plan a date, whatever you can to connect with your partner again physically, emotionally, and mentally.

8. Maintain intimacy: long distance can be tough if your love language is physical touch, but don’t fret! There are other ways you can be intimate with your partner and it may take a little creativity and vulnerability. You can exchange photos to one another, send sexy text messages about your fantasies or what you want to try, phone or video sex, and there are even apps on your phone where you can select sexual activities you’d like to try and it sends straight to your partner! Do whatever you feel comfortable enough doing and never push yourself to do something you’re not ready for.

These are just a few tricks of the trade to get you started and to maintain your long-distance relationship. A mantra that has helped me in mine is reminding myself that “this is temporary”, and that this won’t last forever. Having a set goal to strive for helped keep me on track of my why - to finish grad school, working towards my career I’ve spent years studying for, becoming financially stable, and to begin living our lives together. Talking about the future with each other and what you are wanting is so crucial to making this work. You wouldn’t be in this relationship if you didn’t think there was potential for something more, so take the risk. Thinking from a positive outlook, I saw the time apart as focusing on myself and my career goals with having little distractions to achieving what I wanted for myself. Sometimes we overwhelm ourselves with all the negative aspects of what a long-distance relationship can look like, so think of the positives. During this time lean on your support, stay in tune with what you need, and remember: love conquers all. Schedule a free first session with me for more relationship guidance.

Cheering You On,