6 Skills That Will Increase Your Emotional Intelligence

Emotional intelligence is considered a much better predictor of success than pure intelligence. In many cases, it doesn't matter how intelligent you are.

You know plenty of people that possess average intelligence that are very successful. The struggling genius is quite common. There’s more to life than being able to do calculus in your head.

Making good decisions, communicating effectively, having positive relationships, and managing yourself well can be far more valuable and powerful than a genius-level IQ.

Boost your emotional intelligence with these strategies:

1. Become an excellent listener. Think about the best listener you know. You probably hold that person in high regard. Oftentimes, we just want to feel heard, and listening feels as if it is a lost art that few people are interested in resurrecting.  

● During your next conversation, notice what happens while you’re speaking. Does other person seem bored, distracted, or is simply waiting to speak.

● You’ll do much better with people and have fewer misunderstandings if you put all of your attention on the other person during a conversation. You could even practice using reflective listening, and repeat back to them what you heard.  For example; “I heard you say……” or “Is this what you meant when you said…..” This will help to validate that you heard exactly what they said. They will probably think that you’re a great conversationalist. 

2. Pause before you respond.  Taking a moment to collect your thoughts can be a real advantage. You’ll save yourself a lot of grief if you give yourself the opportunity to respond wisely, or to not respond at all.

● Give yourself all the time you need to make an intelligent decision.

3. Develop self-awareness. Very few people are self-aware. We have little idea of how others perceive us or how we come across to them. Think about how odd it is to hear a recording of your own voice.

● You might come across as rude or obnoxious. Maybe you’re dismissive to others and don’t even know it.

● Ask someone you trust what they think your biggest problem is. You may be surprised by what you hear. Be open to hear some criticisms and critiques, and try to adjust this accordingly. 

4. Learn how to motivate yourself. Life is easy if you can get yourself to do the things you know you should do. However, few of us are effective in motivating ourselves to do those things consistently.

● You can avoid most of the drama life has to offer if you can simply do the things that need to be done, in a timely manner.

● Consider why you procrastinate when faced with tasks that are unappealing to you. Most likely you’re going to have to do them eventually. Try setting an alarm or an alert on your phone, to help remind and motivate you to get this thing done.

5. Analyze your emotions. Notice your emotions while you’re experiencing them. Try doing this in place of quickly responding to them.

● For example, if someone says something that irritates you, rather than reply in a hostile manner, ask yourself why you’re experiencing this emotion. What caused it? Is it reasonable? What is an intelligent way to respond?

6. Be assertive. There are advantages to being assertive. You have a much better chance of getting what you want. You’ll also be more transparent to others. People won’t have to guess what you want from them.

● Your relationships will have fewer misunderstandings, too, if you are upfront with your feelings, concerns, wants, and needs.

Emotional intelligence might be what you’re missing from your life. You can be goal-oriented, committed, and capable, but it’s difficult to rise above the level of your emotional intelligence. I’m curious, how would you rate your emotional intelligence? In what areas could you improve? There are several books on the subject, and many contain diagnostic tests. This might be a great place to start. As always, if you’d like to dig into this more with the help of a St. Petersburg, Fl Counselor — the team at Sunshine City Counseling is here for you. Schedule your first free session and lets help you improve upon areas that will allow you to take your relationships to a deeper level!

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