How to Help a Loved One Withdraw from an Addiction
Addictions of all kinds can be incredibly difficult to overcome. When a loved one is suffering from an addiction, it can greatly affect you as well. Naturally, you don't like to watch them suffer and you're searching for ways to help.
Take care of yourself first. This can sound counter-intuitive given the title of this post, yet it is absolutely essential for recovery. The old adage in Al-Anon is “You didn’t cause it, you can’t control it, and you can’t cure it.” You can be a supportive loved one by taking care of yourself and realizing that it is not YOUR responsibility to help the addict recover.
Take the opportunity to learn about substance abuse. So often there is a significant degree of confusion as to the primary aspects of addiction. This can lead to feelings of hurt and resentment. While these feelings are absolutely valid, there are a wealth of opportunities to learn more about addiction, including family support groups typically linked to treatment centers (often free of charge), Al-Anon, Smart Recovery, and other community meetings.
Take initiative in outlining your boundaries. Often in early recovery, we call these boundaries of continued support. Remember, you are NOT setting boundaries in an effort to coerce the addict into changing their behavior. You are setting healthy boundaries to establish what you are willing and unwilling to tolerate. Also keep in mind there can be a tendency to loosen boundaries when an addict relapses. Do not establish boundaries you are unwilling to maintain.
Take control of your communication strategies. There are many things outside of our control when loving an addict. Remember, it is not our responsibility to keep them sober. It is our opportunity to express ourselves clearly. You may explore NVC (Non-Violent Communication Process) as a helpful tool of guidance on communication. Many individuals learn in family and couples therapy for addiction how to establish healthy boundaries that protect their own mental well-being while still offering compassion. By focusing on their own growth and recovery, family members can break the cycle of codependency and create a more stable environment for everyone involved.
Take refuge in support. We have already mentioned attending support groups, but also reach out to loved ones for support. You might even seek your own individual therapy. Keep in mind you are not seeking therapy to learn how to ‘get someone sober.’ You are learning about your own individual dynamics. Often times, co-dependency is present in a relationship with a loved one in recovery. While it cannot be stated enough that a loved one’s addiction is NOT YOUR FAULT, it can still be an opportunity to learn more about yourself.
If you feel you absolutely must, you may consider an intervention. The research is still inconclusive on whether interventions actually promote positive action. Still, if this is something you are considering, consult a professional to help launch the process.
The hardest part of being a loved one of an addict is learning how to provide support without enabling. Addiction can bring financial, occupational, relational, and especially legal consequences. There can be an urgency to insulate an addict from the consequences of their actions. This typically has the unintended result of enabling the addict to continue their using behavior. While rock bottom is not necessary to change, frequently shielding an addict from the consequences of their actions can continue to communicate that their addiction is ‘not really that bad.’ As challenging as it can be, one boundary you may need to set is to allow the addict to experience the consequences of their actions.
Wherever you might be in your own unique process, know that there is hope and it is possible. If I can be helpful in any way, please don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule your first free session. You don’t have to do this alone.
Here For You,
