Getting More From Your Personal Relationships (how to communicate effectively)
Relationships are not only important, they are inevitable. They provide us with many things in moments of weakness like strength, resilience, and (in most cases) some form of love. They provide companionship, comedic relief, and in times of grief or illness, we have people to lean on. Working on how to benefit from relationships in your life is so imperative because you will be faced with them in all aspects. Learning the foundation of healthy friendships and partnerships can bring joy and peace to the places in your life that are already benefiting you.
Focus on the People You Care About
Putting effort and attention toward people in your life that are important to you lets them know that you care. When you take the time to listen and be attentive to their problems or stories, it builds trust. This allows them to feel comfortable opening up and be more genuine in your interactions. That establishes a strong rapport which is a solid gateway to the start of a beautiful relationship.
Focusing on others does not only mean listening. It also means taking the time to participate in things that they enjoy. By taking an interest in their activities and career you are not only learning more about how to be present and meet your friends’ needs, you are reciprocating the type of friendship you desire from them. You may even learn that you enjoy these things too… you are, after all, connected for SOME reason! This will too, of course, help build a more meaningful relationship built on the basis of equal effort.
Get Close to the People Who Matter
Getting “closer” to the people in your life that matter can mean many things in today’s technological world of facetime and facebook. Whether you can be in the same zip code as your bestie or maybe just the same time zone, getting closer to them is all about prioritizing time. If you are not carving out the time to remind your people that you are there to support them, they will probably feel unsupported… but you already knew that. So, even if you have a busy schedule, let’s talk about some ways that you can show that you are prioritizing your peeps.
No matter how close your relationships are now, you can become closer by:
Just talking! If you don’t have time for routine check-in’s, some good questions to ask yourself about this particular relationship may be:
What do they need from you?
Would they appreciate a funny meme or tiktok or do you think a quick text may be better until you can see them?
What is going to make them feel connected to you?
Expressing values: This means being open to listening to others opinions and values without any immediate haste or judgment. Allow their voice to be heard, even if you do not necessarily agree. There is a right and wrong way to express apprehension and disagreement but friends should feel safe to disclose their feelings without their guard up.
3. Eliminating negativity: Regardless of the type of relationship you have, it should be rooted in a positive nature and provide benefit, enrichment, or fulfillment for both parties.
4. Letting others know you care: You might assume that those close to you know you care, but that is the problem with assuming! The other person may feel unappreciated or maybe even be waiting to hear that you care about them. Love language is important here. Establishing how to help your people feel connected and loved is valuable. Some things that may make this task less daunting, or maybe even less awkward, is to try using some of these questions or comments:
Hey friend! Is there anything in particular that I can do to make you feel more appreciated?
I’ve been thinking, you are such an awesome friend to me and I was just wondering if you feel there is anything I can do to reciprocate that.
I know I’ve been busy lately and haven’t been able to catch up with you. I just wanted to drop in and let you know that I appreciate you and see if there is anything else I can do to support you, and our friendship, when I am a little more busy than normal?
5. Acknowledging your own needs! Being a good friend is important, but putting energy into those who do not reciprocate it for you can be exhausting and emotionally draining. But, just like you are learning to be a good friend, they may be learning too. First, start by asking yourself what you need from others. After you learn your needs in a relationship, you can adequately communicate those to build a healthy foundation. Healthy relationships should go both ways!
Communicate when you are hurt or uncomfortable.
Communicating when someone hurts your feelings or just gets you in the wrong type of feels is difficult and can be a tricky situation to navigate. There is, in fact, a right and wrong way to do so. So, let’s jump in and talk about communication styles. Here are three main styles, that people often communicate using:
Passive: a style in which individuals have developed a pattern of avoiding expressing their opinions or feelings, protecting their rights, and identifying and meeting their needs
Aggressive: a style in which individuals express feelings and opinions strongly and as they occur. This often includes shouting, yelling, demanding, commanding, blaming, being critical, or being verbally abusive.
Assertive: a style in which individuals deliver their feelings or thoughts in a ways that is both direct and respectful. Assertive communication states the needs of the individual without being rude or offensive.
Now, which style do you think is most effective in communicating your emotions? Well, if you chose Assertive communication, you would be right!
So now the question stands, how does one communicate in a way that is assertive? A good way to do this is by using I-statements, rather than You- statements. An example of a You-statement would be:
You hurt my feelings when you compared my looks to my siblings.
A more productive I-statement replacement for this could be:
My feelings were hurt when I was compared to my sibling the other day. I feel like we are two different people and don't think it is fair to be compared to them.
Using I-statements removes the blame from the other person and allows you to communicate your feelings without them feeling attacked. It is a top tier skill for building healthy and resilient relationships.
Changing the dynamics of a relationship you care about often takes both time and patience. To get more from your personal relationships, it is important to spend some time evaluating them. Consider forging new personal relationships, as well as strengthening old ones. At the end of the day providing focus, communicating effectively, and spending time putting energy into relationships may be challenging but remember to be kind to yourself, as you are learning. You are here, putting effort into being the best you can be, and you deserve some praise for that. Keep on rockin’! If I can be helpful in anyway, please don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free first session in St. Petersburg, Fl today!
Supporting You (and your relationships),
