Is Your Desire For Approval Hurting Your Marriage?

Aug 5

A tendency towards constantly looking for approval from your partner could actually be the result of underlying insecurities. Insecurity and the desire for approval can create lasting damage in a relationship or even a marriage. Are you allowing them to undermine your love and affect your closeness to your partner? These deep-seated desires are difficult to eliminate completely, but you can achieve this.

A relentless desire for approval can create an unhealthy relationship. Codependency, resentment, and other issues can appear, so it's important for you to recognize them right away.

If you struggle with a constant desire for approval, consider these ideas:

1. Work on understanding insecurity and codependence and how they might show up in your life. If you're continually trying to get approval from your partner, this can lead to making the relationship codependent. You could get stuck depending on your partner to make you feel better each day.

Insecurity builds in the background of people who continually feed into it.
Your partner may not even realize that he or she is feeding into your insecurity. However, little comments and clues throughout the relationship can show if this is happening or not. Do you feel like your significant other is treating you more like a child than a partner?
Your desire for their approval makes you question everything you do. It hurts your ability to make decisions, as you feel like you have to ask their opinion for every situation, all the time. It affects your ability to act like an adult since you are essentially in child mode.

2. Notice your partner's reaction. Your partner may initially feel fine about having to give you constant approval and support. However, in many cases, your partner will eventually get tired of your neediness.

Relationships that are built on insecurity and codependence usually don't last.
Your partner may get tired of having to help you with every decision. They can also feel fatigued from your constant questions and need for approval.

3. Work on reducing your insecurity. You cannot eliminate the desire for approval unless you gain some level of self-confidence and begin to trust in yourself and your capabilities.

First, realize that this tendency is hurting you and your partner.
Take actions that will help make your insecurity to fade away. This can involve seeking therapy or medical help. You may also benefit from keeping a journal and writing down your thoughts.
Find a way to deal with your insecurity and codependence in a healthy way. You may want to try yoga or meditation to change your mindset. Try different techniques to overcome insecurity to see what works best for you.

4. Practice self-care. One of the reasons you may seek approval from others could be because you don't know how to love yourself or take care of yourself.

Self-care can range from taking a bath with your favorite essential oils to reading a book by a favorite author to watching a nostalgic movie or even going for a bike ride around your neighborhood. Practicing your favorite exercises or doing your preferred hobbies can also help.

5. Avoid expecting applause every day. It's important to retrain your mind and change your expectations.

You may be doing important things, but you can't expect to receive applause at every turn.
Others are busy and don't always notice your contributions. It's unwise to demand their attention all the time or to beg for their approval.
The other side of this involves embracing your own mistakes and imperfections. You can't be perfect, and trying to change yourself into an unrealistic persona isn't healthy.

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For a healthy relationship, it is important to reduce your desire for constant approval. While we all need some reassurance and help from our partners, you also want to be able to survive without someone else supporting you or lifting you up in every moment. Try these strategies and strengthen your marriage! If you would like to further explore codependency or insecurities within your relationship schedule a free first session with me and let’s get you (and your relationship) where it deserves to be.

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