How to Get Back into Dating After a Long Break
If you haven’t dated in a long time, re-entering the dating scene can seem overwhelming. Maybe you’ve been in a long-term relationship that recently ended, or you’ve been single and busy with other priorities. Either way, you’re bound to wonder if things have changed while you’ve been away, and whether you’ll be able to adapt to the dating world.
Like most obstacles to romance, feeling a bit rusty can be overcome if you’re willing to make an effort.
Things to Do Before You Enter the Dating World
Consider your priorities. As long as your expectations are constructive and realistic, it’s beneficial to have a checklist for the qualities you’re looking for in someone to date. Focus on the traits that matter, like kindness and integrity. Remember that money or good looks may not last or guarantee happiness.
Drop the baggage. Let go of your past relationship. Setting aside resentments and disappointments will allow you to move on from negative emotions.
Get a makeover. Maybe you’re happy with your appearance or maybe you’re concerned that you’ve been neglecting your grooming a little. While inner beauty matters most, a flattering haircut or new eyeglass frames could boost your confidence. Additionally, focusing on self-esteem through self-love practices can enhance your emotional well-being.
Tell your friends. Let your friends know that you’re ready to mingle. You’ll need their support, and they may even want to introduce you to someone.
Enjoy being single. You need to be happy and fulfilled on your own in order to contribute to a relationship. Continue learning and growing while you’re searching for romance.
Things to Do Once You Start a New Relationship (so you don't lose yourself)
Pursue your interests. One of the most effective ways to meet compatible singles is to go to the places that you enjoy. That way, you’ll have at least one shared passion with those you meet. Attend community theater or play volleyball at the beach.
Go online. Dating sites and dating apps have been mainstream for years now. Perhaps you’ll find someone you have chemistry with or you may just gain valuable practice.
Pace yourself. You might be tempted to make up for lost time and rush into a relationship too soon. Give yourself time to get to know each other. Remember, the first date is just the beginning, so keep it light and simple.
Communicate openly. Be honest about who you are and what your ideal relationship looks like. When connecting with a new person, resolve conflicts with respect, and search for common ground on issues like the number of times to call each other daily. Reflect on your desires and qualities to communicate effectively with a potential partner.
Listen closely. Pay attention to your date. Show them that you’re interested in what they have to say. Make eye contact and ask relevant questions. Follow up on something they’ve said to help develop a connection.
Reach out. Reduce your own anxiety by focusing on what you can do to help others. Compliment your date for picking out an interesting restaurant or wearing a stylish jacket. Empathize if they talk about challenges at work or chronic health conditions.
Be flexible. There are many advantages to being single, but you can wind up so set in your ways that it’s difficult to accommodate another person. Before you wind up in an argument over the correct way to fluff a pillow, experiment with breaking out of your comfort zone.
Try again. You may need to date for a few months or more before you find someone you want to continue seeing. Enjoy the process and give yourself credit for taking risks.
Conclusion
Zac Giparas
Relationship Therapist
Changing your relationship status is a major transition in life. Be patient with yourself and have fun meeting other singles. Taking some time out in between romances can be an opportunity to discover what you want and learn how to make smarter decisions. At Sunshine City Counseling, we want you to live into who you truly are and not to make yourself small just so others will like you. If you find that you need some clarifying and guidance, don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free first session with one of our incredible counselors.