How to Build a Trusting Relationship with Your Partner

Ask any couple that's been married for ten years or more and they'll tell you how important trust is in their relationship. In fact, trust is probably one of the most important aspects of any relationship.

If you need to establish or re-establish trust in your relationship, there are proven techniques you can use to make it happen.

Trust, in its simplest definition, is creating a place where another person feels emotionally safe. They know they can tell you their deepest secrets without fear that you'll use it against them or share their secrets with others. They can be themselves completely when they are with you and know that you will still love them.

For Couples in a Long Term Relationship: What can you do to build a more trusting relationship with your partner?

1. Make improving your communication skills one of your top priorities. Learn how to be a good listener.

• This means you don't interrupt your partner while they're talking unless there's an emergency. Work extra hard at ensuring you understand what your partner has said.

2. Use "I" statements rather than "you" statements. Say "I feel..." rather than "You make me feel..." This will help convey your feelings instead of attacking your partner.

• "You" statements are nearly always taken as a personal attack. This may not be your intent, but it's almost always the result.

3. Act and speak positively about your partner, especially in front of other people. It's easier to trust someone who speaks well of you. Conversely, if someone speaks about you in a nasty way, you're likely to distrust them.

4. Try not to go to bed angry. This may be one of the best pieces of advice for any married couple or people in a long-term relationship.

•  Instead of going to bed upset, holding onto some resentment, and then getting up the next day still angry, do whatever you can (within reason) to resolve any issue that could strain your relationship over a prolonged period. This means you'll need to have good problem solving skills, but those can be learned. It just takes practice.

• However, know when to call it a night even if you are still upset. It is not helpful to stay up all night arguing when you are both emotionally flooded and unable to have the discussion while thinking rationally. It is better to take a time out for the evening (without continuing to ruminate about the disagreement), rather than continually arguing when there is no end in sight or you cannot agree to disagree. It can be more beneficial to pick up the discussion at a set time later, when both partners are able to better express their concerns and be more empathetic to the other’s position.  

For Couples Just Starting To Date: You can do a lot to build a trusting relationship when you first begin dating

1. Make dates and arrive on time. If you have to arrive later than planned, call your partner to let them know you'll be late. This helps your partner learn that you're true to your word.

2. If you've promised to do something, follow through with it. Of course, there may be circumstances that keep you from following through. Be sure to call your partner if something happens so they'll be aware of the change in plans.

• Trust can take a long time to build, but it can be easily fractured. If you say one thing and do another, it can be hard for your partner to trust that they can rely on you.

3. Don't keep all of your feelings bottled up inside. One way to earn the trust of a potential partner is to express your feelings and work towards being more vulnerable with each other over time. Being open and transparent is often a better choice and will help to establish and build your partner's trust in you.

• There are some things you may want to keep to yourself. Being vulnerable doesn’t mean that you have to share every thought that pops into your head. It does mean that you try to avoid putting up walls between you and your significant other.

Trust is so important in relationships. Use the ideas above to work at building trust between you and your partner. It takes time to build and maintain a trusting relationship, but the benefits are more than worth it! When you’re ready, schedule a free first session with me and lets get you (and your relationship) where it deserves to be…in a trusting, healthy relationship.

Supporting You,