3 Ways to Overcome Trauma of Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
It has been rightly said that the relations that bind us can also gag us. For some, family life resembles a warm and cozy sweater that fits snugly. For others, it's like that scratchy woolen pullover that you're forced to wear, no matter how itchy or painful it is.
If you’ve watched movies like Daddy’s Home or TV shows like Modern Family, you’re familiar with a dysfunctional family in action. However, it's possible to miss the whole point because Hollywood is a master at trivializing serious issues.
A dysfunctional family is no laughing matter, as its legacy is often deep-seated trauma in the form of -
Emotional dysregulation
Heightened stress responses
Difficulty forming secure attachments
Are you also struggling to resolve the trauma of dysfunctional family dynamics? If yes, then this article has three helpful ways to overcome.
Were You Raised in a Dysfunctional Family?
In many cases, people find themselves unable to accept that they come from a dysfunctional family. After all, no family is perfect, right?
Psychology Today agrees with the common quip that all families are dysfunctional. In other words, there is a certain degree of chaos, misunderstandings, and conflicts within every family.
On a broader level, there are two key differences between healthy and dysfunctional families -
The daily challenges make room for growth in a healthy family, whereas they take the form of neglect or abuse in a dysfunctional one.
There is an order to the chaos in normal families, something that is absent in dysfunctional ones. This means drama and chaos become a pattern that affects the members’ physical and mental health.
So, what does a dysfunctional family look like? Here are some common characteristics -
Poor communication
Denial and secrecy
A closed system where family members are afraid to express their opinions
Hostile conflicts
Rigid rules
Physical violence or verbal abuse
Emotional neglect or blame games
Role reversal, where children have to take the role of parents
Unrealistic expectations
Alcohol or drug abuse
Conditional love
A lack of boundaries or failure to respect boundaries
Extramarital affairs
If your family fits into any of these scenarios, it's time to accept it for what it was/is. More importantly, it's time to break the cycle.
3 Ways to Break the Cycle of Trauma
We may not be able to choose our families, but we can choose to embrace new beginnings. Trauma caused by dysfunctional family dynamics can be tricky and complex to cope with.
Remember that it's possible to overcome with time and intentional effort. Here are three ways you can break the painful cycle.
Seek Professional Support
As stated earlier, family trauma can be so complex that you may not understand how it affects you. There may be layers of trapped emotions that need to be dealt with for complete healing.
Some professionals specialize in peeling off these layers gently. So, start by seeking out a reputed therapist or a psychiatric nurse practitioner. These are specialists who know how to deal with family trauma and mental health struggles that arise as a result.
For instance, nurses pursue specialized offline or online psychiatric nurse practitioner programs to offer evidence-based interventions for issues stemming from family trauma. They will conduct thorough assessments to identify the nature of the trauma and its root cause.
Cleveland State University shares that intra-family behavioral patterns are examined. In other words, psychiatric nurses explore the impact of trauma on intergenerational family members. As a result, you will be treated using a personalized treatment plan, which may include medication, counseling, or psychotherapy.
Most importantly, the professionals will create a safe and judgment-free space for you to communicate your emotions. They will even help you identify and stop harmful patterns you may have picked up from your family.
Set Healthy Boundaries
The word ‘boundaries’ can conjure up images of walls and barriers for a lot of us. However, they are more like buoys that keep you afloat. Verywell Mind states that boundaries are a key pillar of healthy relationships.
A failure to establish healthy boundaries (being too passive) can cause others to take advantage of you. This is true even of family members who may need respectful yet assertive reminders.
The secret to navigating troubled family waters is to find a delicate balance between maintaining your autonomy and avoiding a defensive explosion. First, you must identify what your specific boundaries are in terms of time, space, communication, etc.
Second, communicate those boundaries to all members specifically, assertively, and clearly. Use direct statements starting with “I.” An example would be, “I feel hurt when you criticize me. I need you to respect my feelings.”
Finally, be intentional about reinforcing your boundaries. There is likely to be some form of resistance or pushback from your family. Stay mentally prepared and do not apologize for setting healthy boundaries. Follow through with what you have communicated, even when it's difficult.
Craft Your Own Family Tapestry
While we didn’t get to choose the family we were born into, the good news is that alone does not define a family unit. In other words, you can find love and support outside your blood relations. You can create your own family tapestry that includes a supportive group of mentors and friends.
They will provide you with the emotional support and understanding that was so lacking in your biological family. Initially, it will be challenging and even awkward. Due to the trauma, you may find it difficult to form secure attachments.
As you actively deal with your emotions and heal, things will get easier. Your professional support system will teach you healthy ways to relate to others. This will enable you to reclaim your narrative and cultivate a life filled with hope, strength, and resilience.
Connect with those who may have experienced family trauma themselves. Strong bonds are often formed due to shared experiences. You can support each other in your unique healing journeys. Fostering open communication and nurturing emotional connections will compensate for the family you have always wanted but seldom had.
The National Institutes of Health (NIH) shares that roughly 63% of American adults have suffered from adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). Such experiences are referred to as traumatic events that occur up to the age of 17.
In most cases, those closest to the individual (family) have had a key role to play in inflicting abuse. If you have had a rough past in terms of family life, just know that it need not define your future.
Practice self-compassion and proactively seek the help and support you need. You will overcome your trauma, and once you do, the power will be all yours to break the generational curse. Resolve to build a family that rests on the foundation of unconditional love, honesty, and trust.