Staying [Emotionally] Connected While We [Socially] Distance
Kids are home from school for undetermined amounts of time. Adults who are fortunate to still have a job are being told to work from home. Restaurants, bars, movie theaters, and even beaches are closing. We are being asked to stay home, avoid gatherings, and basically change our entire way of life. People are searching for seemingly unanswerable questions and desperately trying to grasp onto some sense of normalcy, not to mention the elusive 12 pack of toilet paper no longer found on any store shelf.
While some are enjoying the change of scenery, the freedom to work from home, or the opportunity to slow down, many others are dealing with the very real financial, childcare, health, or other pandemic related stressors.
And then there is the monotony and boredom of self isolating. I've heard from kids bored three days into Spring Break, unable to see their friends. Adults accustomed to busy social lives are disquieted by the disruption in their normal routine and social life. In a culture so reliant and dependent on social media and the internet, we suddenly find ourselves in the ironic position of being solely reliant on technology--- and struggling to adapt.
So how do we stay connected---and sane---during these trying times? Here are a few suggestions to connect with your partner, your children, your friends, and yourself.
Self care. Most people I work with start their lists with others at the top and put themselves at the bottom "if I have time". Far too many forget to even put themselves on the list, which is why I am starting this list there. This is a stressful time. Focus on ways to let go of stress and take care of mind and body. Without the chaos of commuting, dropping kids off at school, extra curricular activities, and other daily chores, take advantage of this time that you struggle during the normal work week to find to eat well and exercise. Science lauds the benefits of a healthy diet and physical exercise on both mental and physical health. Proper nutrition is needed to boost immune function, which is critical during this health crisis. Exercise improves mood and allows us to better cope with stress. These are stressful times...so grab the sneakers and break a sweat! Get creative. Not everyone has a personal gym at home but we can all find ways to burn off some stress such as running in place or chasing your little ones around the house. Drop and do push ups, yoga, or chase the dog out back.
Self care can also be more relaxing and soothing. Light scented candles, diffuse essential oils, take a bath (or all three), meditate, color, listen to music, or read a book. Time is the biggest barrier I hear from clients regarding self care. This time at home is a gift for those who are willing to look beyond the tragedy of our current reality and eek out the unseen benefits.
For those with kids, seize this opportunity to connect with your kiddos. Their routine, just like ours, has been turned on its head. The lack of routine coupled with the frenzy of this pandemic can be upsetting and frightening to kids of all ages.
Take time to talk with your kids about their concerns, questions, or fears and provide age appropriate, honest information and reassurance of what you are doing to keep them safe. Validating their feelings and giving them room to share those feelings goes a long way towards alleviating anxiety and connecting with our kids.
Below is a list to help you get started identifying fun and unique ways to connect with loved ones during this challenging time.
Play gamesGames can be fun for all ages, whether it's a board game, charades, or my favorite recommendation to strengthen family and couple relationships, Loaded Questions. Loaded Questions is a board game with multiple versions (family, adults, etc) that one can purchase online and provides a deck of cards that each player draws with questions that elicit conversation from the silly to the thought provoking. But with money tight for many people now, you can replicate this without the game board by simply asking each player to write out ten questions on individual pieces of paper, folding them and putting them into a hat or jar and then taking turns pulling out and answering questions. This is the time to bond and enjoy one another's company, so forget the competitiveness of the game aspect and focus on having a few laughs, learning more about your loved ones, and creating stronger bonds and lasting memories.
Cook together. Cooking or baking together is a great way to spend time with loved ones. Teach young kids the basics, guide older kids while they learn a new skill, or spend quality time with your significant other sharing in the creation of a new dish (and enjoying the end product together!).
Write letters to friends and family. In an age where correspondence has become relegated to abbreviated texts and emojis or public "following" or "likes", many people are feeling more and more disconnected from others. The ease of communication has actually felt isolating for some, particularly those not comfortable with technology, those without the resources, or those who simply miss the days of leisurely phone calls and going to the mailbox to see if a letter or card awaits. Now certainly the latter is not the norm, but who doesn't love getting mail? If ever there was a time to bring a little joy to others, this is it. And we know that there is a lot of power in writing. It's cathartic. It' allows us to rid ourselves of the emotions we hold onto, often with no safe outlet other than on paper. Sending cards (handmade is even better!) to older relatives or even to residents in nursing homes (although you may want to contact the facility first to inquire as to whether they will accept them given current health and safety considerations) is a wonderful way to occupy yourself and do a good deed all at the same time...and it's a great way to teach your kids about thinking outside of themselves.
Have a dance party.No outside guests needed. Turn on some music and get moving!
Have a spa day.Whether alone, with your partner, or with the whole family, you can enjoy the benefits of a spa without leaving your home. Dim the lights, put on soothing music, diffuse essential oils or light candles, put on facial masks, give one another massages or foot rubs, or even meditate together.
Camp-cation. Let's face it, if we are heeding the recommendations to stay home then we certainly are not packing our suitcases and heading out of town. I, for one, will eventually start to wilt if I don't get my travel-groove on. But staying safe and keeping others safe is top priority. Desperate times call for LOTS of creativity. Pitch a tent in the backyard...or even the living room. Little kids will love the novelty and, frankly, even the older ones and adults might enjoy doing something different after day eight of staring at the same four walls.
Volunteer.Again, think creatively. Call local organizations (including smaller operations) and ask if there are any ways you can assist from home. Social service agencies may need additional support calling to check on vulnerable individuals or delivering (dropping off at the door) necessities. It never hurts to inquire and it's a feel-good activity for everyone involved.
Watch home videos or share photos.Older family members may have oodles of photos in albums or boxes that haven't been viewed in decades. Taking a proverbial trip (as that might be the only kind of trip you'll be taking any time soon) down memory lane is a beautiful opportunity to connect and learn more about your loved ones. Even digital photos that may not have been shared with one another allows for quality time and bonding. Besides, who doesn't love an opportunity to laugh at the clothing and hairstyles from the generations before us?
Go for a walk. Unless you are ordered to stay in your home, getting out once in a while for a walk is, literally, a breath of fresh air (see what I did, there?). Being out in nature, change of scenery, and exercise are beneficial for mind and body. Whether a contemplative time alone, a family outing, or intimate couple time, going for a walk allows us to recharge and connect with others and the world around us.
Watch a movie together. While not top on my list for ways to connect with others, the reality now is that we have limited options for activities. Don't misread that as suggesting there aren't a plethora of things you can do that have not already been listed, but this article is meant to get you started on thinking outside the box. While TV is almost the very definition of "the box", it isn't without merit. Snuggling up on the couch with your sweetie to watch a movie or discussing your child 's thoughts and feelings about their favorite show goes a long way towards feeling connected.
